I was still single at the time and was able to buy a few outfits, wigs, heels, and lingerie for me to wear. I loved the feeling of wearing women's clothes but I was not very experienced with the feelings it brought out in me.One Friday afternoon I had got out of work early. I decided to spend it dressed in my new place. I started watching a crossdresser porn DVD that I had ordered from an online video store. I was drinking a wine cooler and dressing up. I had a black mini dress, black thigh high stockings, a black thong and black bra on. I was wearing a pearl bracelet, neck chain and my only pair of costume earrings. My dark brown wig was fairly long and I had put on makeup as best as I knew how at the time. I was kicking back dressed, getting a little buzzed and watching porn when someone knocked on my door.I had left a request for an insurance claim adjuster to come to the place for some hail damage to my roof earlier in the week. I didn’t figure they would show up on Friday having. If this is some mental illness manifesting itself, I want to be ill for the rest of my life, I want to be haunted by you every single day.I opened my eyes – he was gone. I felt the glass with my palms, the t-shirt dropped. I jumped up and looked down to see where he was but he was nowhere. My knees gave in curling me into a naked mess on the floor. My eyes open, like a zoom lens, unblinkingly focusing on the skin of my arm next to my head. For months, I tried so hard to get over Ira’s death but now I did not know what to think – the vision was so clear, so unclouded, touchable almost…No. He was dead, no doubt. I saw the bloody sheet covering his body, I collected his broken watch, muddy shoes, his shirt torn by his ribs sticking out of his chest, on left and right, our bloodied photograph. I signed the paperwork to destroy his already destroyed motorbike. I scattered his ashes. Him being here was impossible – a product of a mourning mind.Suddenly, I felt very, very tired. I blinked.
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