If you go withthe speech pathologist, you can switch." Your skirting the question."She looked down at her coffee cup, and said, "I love Brianand I love Briana. But, I would like to have Briana aroundfull time. She's a lot of fun. To be honest, more fun thanBrian." She then looked me straight in the eyes, and said,"And, I think that you would love to have Briana aroundfull time, too." She smiled."More fun than Brian? And, you'd want me as a full timegirlfriend?" Yes, and a lover." You want me to have a sex change?" No. Never." So, you would want me as, so to say, a girl with extraequipment?"Still looking me straight in the eyes, she said, "Yes." I never knew you felt this way." I didn't either, until I saw you the first time on thestage at the club. And, then when you were up there lastnight, I was sure. But, only if you really wanted it." Being Briana feels so right. But, I don't know if I wantto go full time that way." You've been Briana almost full time since you were laidoff. And,. She wasn’t resting. She was just dead, and that’s what how he wanted to put it to everyone: “She is dead. She is just dead.” He wanted to close the subject quickly and honestly. If the subject stayed open, as well meaning acquaintances probed further, he’d feel an unreasonable anger began to well inside him. The script that ran through his mind was familiar: she was dead and he was angry about it, angry at her for leaving him, angry at God (if there was one) for the unfairness of it, angry at himself for taking her for granted when she was alive, angry at the doctors for being unable to do a damn thing, angry at his daughter because parenthood demanded so much of his time. All he wanted to do was to find a place alone and grieve. He knew his anger was misdirected. The therapists he had consulted all talked about the five stages of grief, in almost identical phrasing, as if they had been indoctrinated into a cult and were not allowed to deviate from the script. The five stages:.
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