A fundamental lack of confidence that meant I was more comfortable watching quietly from the sidelines, rather than being center stage with all the performance angst and pressure that implied. As I watched, Grace’s words came ringing back into my head. ‘Own who you are, Pete.’This stream of self-awareness partly came into my head because of what Sue was saying to the guys. Both Sue and I have always been naturally open people, often too much so for our own good. And so even though we hardly knew these three young guys, Sue answered their questions openly and honestly. And I have to say it was an unnerving feeling to feel so vulnerable and exposed as she laid all of my inner secrets and demons. Totally open and bare to these three young pussy-hounds.Here I was, nearly three times their age and by any measure their senior and better. And yet they were the three who were with my wife as she opened up about my childhood, our fantasies and games over the years and the final destination at. . I convinced myself it wasn't possible." And Bleak Hill changed that?" No, not really... being home over Christmas changed that. Being around Shawna... being with Shawna... it changed the way people spoke to me, people I've known for years. They were talking about me like I was... not normal, but... like they could see how someone might like me." We've been telling you that all year." But you'd never seen me at my worst... until Bleak Hill, and then I left." I suppose... we were right, though." You were." He smiled, gently, and turned back over her shoulder. "Look who it is." Shawna and Hope shuffled hurriedly through the slush to catch up, and Elspeth smiled to see a twinkle in his eye."So you're OK, then? In yourself, I mean?" Yeah," he assured her, waiting for the mismatched pair to catch up. "I'm fine."Hope, Elspeth and Shawna sat, nervously, in the foyer of the police station, feeling the quizzical looks from each of the policemen that came through as they perched at the edge of.
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