I was almost speechless but managed to reply, ‘Err, sure. Of course we can have lunch here. I haven’t asked you before because I didn’t want you to feel threatened by being on your own with me!’ For some reason I felt it necessary to defend myself, don’t ask me why! She laughed. ‘I told you,’ she said, ‘I feel safe with you. Pick me up at the usual time, bye.’ And, with that she was gone. Boy, was I confused. Even in that brief conversation she seemed different somehow, confident, more direct. I wondered what had happened but primarily, I wondered how Sunday would go. I’d never really been alone with Caroline in a situation where sex could rear it’s head. Oh, we’d been in pubs and restaurants alone together and, of course, in the car. I don’t find cars particularly romantic so I never really had the inclination to ‘try it on’ so I didn’t know how I would react. Could I remain the gentleman? Only one way to find out! Sunday couldn’t come quickly enough for me and, as I pulled up. ’ After a moment: ‘I guess it doesn’t matter.’ ‘You never cared for me! You couldn’t and talk like this.’ ‘It doesn’t matter. There’s no reason for you to believe what I say.’ ‘So then tell me the truth.’ ‘I haven’t been lying. It’s…complicated.’ ‘Tell me!’ ‘Okay.’ I shook my head. ‘Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I cared for you. I still do.’ You dumb idiot, Ed! ‘I hate it that I hurt you. I miss you.’ Elizabeth didn’t respond. She turned away. I held my breath, but she turned back. ‘Then why didn’t you try to get me back? I would have come back, after a while. You had to know that.’ I walked over to the window to watch the snow. How do you answer, say the thing that is dead solid perfectly true but absolutely wrong? It would make me too sympathetic. I couldn’t make her see me from the inside. There’s no way. ‘I had to let you go. I had to. It would happen again. And again. And again. I know myself, Elizabeth. I’m not an idiot. I thought you would get over it and find a nice guy. I thought.
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