For a few seconds, we stood together like that in the pitch blackness. I could hear Kate breathing in short, quick breaths, and I could see her white nightshirt. It seemed to glow before me, making Kate into a spirit, a sexual ghost hovering over the bathroom tile daring me to reach out and try to possess her. I could’ve done that. I could’ve stepped forward and took Kate in my arms and groped at her in the dark. But, no, I wanted to be able to see her body while I got as far a I could with this forbidden, taboo, potentially disastrous sexual escapade. There was a panel of several light switches to my right. I knew one of them would turn on the fan, while another would turn on a huge bank of glaring lights over the sink. Activating those would spell disaster. That much light all at once would surely wake up Kate and then everything would come crashing down on us. What I wanted to do was turn on the small ceiling light over the shower stall. Yes, that would give us just enough light. I feel sleepy and Ibegan to tell him things I had not told anyone, not even my Mom.I told HIM that I felt more like a girl than a boy, that I wanted to growup to be pretty just like my mother, and I could not imagine ever beinglike my father whose suicide had brought me to see HIM.The next Visit, HE gave me the medicine again and , HE asked me if I hadworn my mother's clothes. I say yes. HE brings out a pretty dress andasked me if I wanted to put it on. Because of the medicine I can only sayyes.I felt very pretty in the dress. I was still sleepy, but I felt good,maybe better than I had ever felt in my life. HE took some pictures, andthen HE told me to change back into my own clothes before my mother cameback.It was on the very next Visit He showed me what happens to bad little boyswho want to be girls. When HE was finished I bled, and HE said I had bledlike a girl and I was no longer a virgin.But then I am back to the present, because I must concentrate on pleasingHIM like a good.
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