Even then, though, my killing thoughts lingered. I swore when I went off to college I would come back and kill him in the evening hours, my trusty green car battering the life out of him as I spun my tires away back to Maryland, awaiting a call that my friend had been killed, by a stranger no less. But I didn’t. I stayed my killing hand. I turned my thoughts to homosexual images of buff, bulging men muscles, glittering in tan, surreal Apollo rooms, while I shut myself in my college dormroom. That night, that first night, I let it all loose. I tendered my small member to the image of a Blonde god, a 14 pack man in a gym, the first release of heroin-like ecstasy in the wee hours of the night, looking strangely at my crotch, observing glistening streams of semen falling in rivulets down my leg. Many girls had flirted with me, putting me in angst with whispers about big dicks, and the handsome blonde boy who lived down the hall, sun-weathered, and gorgeous, admittedly… Here I am, some 3. There are a lot of people like my parents in the world.Then again, it looked like I was going to get stepped on this week no matter what.The funny thing is, when I woke up and went downstairs to make myself some coffee, I found myself thinking about Dave.He took care of me. Wasn't that new! And I got the impression that it was new for him, too. He even managed to not make me feel like I was imposing.Anyhow, I had to go back to school nude again-thanks, Mom and Dad. And I needed help. Was I prepared to admit that to someone else, that was the question. Maybe if I were casual about it. I just couldn't see walking up to that door at school and stripping all alone again. I think I'd collapse. I tried to envision doing it while summoning up my usual defiant bitchiness-and I couldn't do it.I found the phone book. There was only one Shiell in there, it was under a woman's name-I remembered that Dave lived with just his Mom-and it was fairly close to me, and Dave had said he lived close by..
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