I once had sex for 62 minutes straight, without stopping. Of course, that was on the day that they moved the clocks... My mother’s at the stage where she talks about everyone who’s died.“Do you remember Muriel? She’s just died”“Do you remember Arthur? He’s just died.”I said, “Mom, get off the roof and give me the gun”.And here are the results of the Sci Fi soccer games: R2D – 2, C3P - 0An Italian, a Greek and a Jew were discussing their ancient civilizations.The Italian said, “Archaeologists dug down to a level from 2000 years ago and discovered wires, which proved that the ancient Romans had telegraph.”The Greek said, “Archaeologists dug down to a level from 2300 years ago and discovered wires, which proved that the ancient Greeks had telephones.”The Jew said, “Archaeologists dug down to a level from 3000 years ago and discovered nothing, which proved that even in the time of the First Temple we had wireless.”On a cooking show: What is the perfect accompaniment to a scotch egg?Scotch. He lived to fly. If he ever had an opportunity to do barrel rolls in a 747 he surely would have — with a shit-eating grin on his face, too. I might have called André a man’s man, or a pilot’s pilot, but he was as gay as they come, the worst kind of overtly effeminate, in-your-face gay I’d ever run across. Then Ainley whispered in my ear: ‘He likes to dress up…you know…like a dame. Like he’s some kind of 1940’s Hollywood starlet…’ Uh-huh. Okay. Sure. Whatever you say, Andy. On my third flight to SA I saw André in the head trying on mascara, checking his face in the old mirror. ‘Well, what do you think?’ he asked, and yeah, more than a little coquettishly. I stopped and looked at him, appraised the look for a moment. ‘Depends on what you’re going for,’ I said, trying my best not to bust out laughing. ‘Like a whore on the Place Pigalle, about to get on my knees,’ he shot back — and a little too defiantly, I thought. ‘Well then, a little more eyeliner and I think you’re there.’ He smiled.
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