" I felt the strange sensation of being in two places at onceagain, and I started understanding, thanks to her narration. She hadcopied the picture from Facebook and had put it in to Paint, then closedthe Facebook page.And suddenly it all went back. Non-existence is a strange thing toexplain. Imagine that feeling of deep sleep, of feeling your mind almosttotally shut off. Then shut the rest off.And suddenly I saw light again. I was looking at Maddy, and for a second Ithought that I was back to normal. But very quickly I realized that I wasstill in the picture."That is what being deleted feels like. I don't imagine that somebody elseopened that picture up on Facebook, so you must have been pretty muchblacked out."The way the mind worked, I figure, is that it wants a continuousexistence. So my mind had sort of filled in that black period. I honestlycouldn't tell you how long it had been.I started seeing things disappearing around me. Dana, the girl in thepicture with me, suddenly. You had decided a long time ago that any sex was better than no sex, and if it meant cheating on your husband then so be it. You rationalised it by blaming him for being so shit in bed. You once joked with a close friend over drinks that you were so desperate you'd, "Fuck a tramp up a back alley if you didn't get some soon." The likelihood of that actually happening was zero, but it was your way of portraying your frustrations. She didn't help by declaring that her husband was very active in the bedroom, kitchen, living room, garage, and outdoors. You thought to yourself that going round to hers whilst she was out and snapchatting yourself sucking her husband off would wipe the smile off her face. The lack of sex was making you think bad thinngs although you had always had a thing for her husband. Having to listen to them fuck one night many years ago on a camping trip did not help! It seemed you were destined to be a listener of sex rather than a partaker. But now you had.
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