Was this thing that was happening something he should have known, he wondered? Was not knowing it, a sign he didn’t understand her, didn’t spend enough time with her? But it was she, Sally who organised their lives, even now. ‘But I don’t want to sell the apartment, I don’t want to have to move. Where are you going?’ his brain had finally engaged with what was going on in the words she’d let out. She was always economical with words, like everything else, whereas he used to pour them out as if he had an endless supply, as if they bred inside him. When he was with her though they were so often stillborn, dead before they could make the journey from wherever they originated up and out through his mouth, to fall on the air. Where, like butterflies, they died after a brief flutter of meaning. Her words were rationed, as if she knew they were limited and had to be released into the air sparingly, or they would run out while she still needed them. He easily imagined her dumb in her old. Um, I'm going to quit seeing Brenden. I just don't think I'm very interested in him any more." Gee, that's kind of what we were doing this for, so we would be experienced, you for Brenden, me for Olivia. Do you not want to do this any more?" Oh, Noah, I've loved every second of our being together and having sex. I've loved it so much. It's just shown me that I don't really have strong enough feelings to be this intimate with Brenden. It's not Brenden that I want to be with." Well, sure, I guess then you need to find someone new." Well, Noah, um, well, yeah, maybe I will. Yeah." I guess I haven't thought much about Olivia lately, myself. She's called me a few times but I really haven't been to see her or anything. We've been doing this and, I dunno, it's just, well, we've been so much together and all, well, I really haven't thought much about her is all." But we were doing this to get experience so we could be with them. Now, we're not sure we want to be with either one of them.".
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