Now, if you know southern California, you understand that I had to make my way through a jumble of tourists, families, and those loathed wannabe Barbie and Ken doll high school and college kids who have nothing better to do then meander up and down the boardwalk. And here I was in my expensive suit and conservative haircut, sensible shoes and minimal makeup. Well, I thought with a chuckle, at least I fit that ridiculous dyke stereotype everyone keeps expecting from me. Anyway, I ordered a cup of coffee and sat down to people watch, hoping to get my mind off my impending career doom. I zoned out, dazed by the unexpected events of the day. It wasn’t until I heard her voice that I realized tears had been streaming down my face for some time. “Ummm…Miss? Excuse me?” I turned to see the most beautiful girl I have ever seen up close. She wore a pink floral dress with spaghetti straps under a white pullover and no shoes. Her hair looked healthy but unkempt, a soft mane around her round. ’ ‘You should be very glad I’m already past my retirement age. I can collect my pension, and beat the shit out of you, because you’re so damn ugly.’ ‘God dammit Margaret what did you just say?’ ‘You will hear me loud and clear when I drop my typewriter on your head.’ ‘What the hell is a typewriter?’ ‘It’s the thing that’s attached to the computer.’ ‘It’s called a keyboard Margaret.’ ‘Whatever, I have calls to make, leave me alone Dan. You’ve ruined my day.’ ‘Yes, but you love me anyhow.’ ‘You should’ve married me. We could have argued like this every day.’ ‘God forbid, I might have wound up talking like you. I might have even understood what you were saying.’ ‘We could start a school.’ ‘That would be perfect. We could sell it to the Army as a new form of code. The Russians would never be able to break it, and the poor Chinese would go crazy trying to find out what language it is.’ ‘I think you better stop now Dan. You are wearing out your welcome.’ ‘I’m just telling you the truth.’.
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