. !" That's impossible! Joan wouldn't... ! She just wouldn't do something like that!"Suddenly, he remembered!Christ! While I was looking to Andy's luggage... and Buzz and Gayle were having their bang-bang party... Andy was off somewhere with Joan!Didn't you find anything strange about their coming out of the woods... at the same place... before the bear came after Andy... ? she goaded."Well... yes... I did think of it, at the time... but with the excitement caused by that Grizzly... I-I must have let it escape me..." ... Of course... that was one of the agreements you and Andy made... before we came away on this trip..." she reminded him. "As a matter of fact... it was the big reason for bringing you two along..." ... But, Christ! I never thought it'd ever get to that point... !" he blurted. "I-I..." quickly, stopping himself, before he said more."You thought... what... ?" That it could be avoided," he modified."You wanted to avoid... making love... to me... ?" she pouted. "Don't you. ’ I forced myself to say. And I walked into the locker room, and into a long, cold shower. ‘will you kiss my feet/ when I have walked on fire/ when I am nobody’s sister/ when I am nobody’s child’ At one o’clock that morning, I was lying in bed in my dorm, staring into the light of my phone, reading a year-old email from Dani. The poem I didn’t know to handle more carefully. From the girl who, somehow, I didn’t know to fall in love with. Well, I knew it now. Dani had been so close to my thoughts all that day that I felt like I’d been physically carrying her with me. I’d run through a million different versions of that day in the literature class a year ago. The blanket on my bed weighed against an aching hard-on that I couldn’t lose no matter how hard I tried. I didn’t even feel horny, exactly. I just needed to see her face, or hear her voice, to be close to her again. When I wrote her an email, it was a reply to that poem. Maybe calling it ‘the reply I never sent’ is rewriting.
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