She got away for a bit to talk to Simon and he relayed her message to me.I love you. I’ll call you as soon as I can.Only she’d never be able to call me again. The plane had some kind of engine trouble and crashed in a farmer’s field. My mind imagined her final moments on a horrifying endless loop. She was gone. Really gone. I still couldn’t believe it.At one point I slipped away from the common room and went to her room to be alone. It had been stripped of her things and looked sterile, but I could still smell her. Smell us. I sat on her bed and shut my eyes. The scent powered strong memories. I lost track of time as I mourned Sam.“Are you okay?” Simon asked from the doorway.“No.” I opened my eyes. “Not really.”“She really loved you.” Simon came in and shut the door. “At least you’ll always have that.”From the way he said the last, Simon was struggling as hard as I was. “She loved you, too. In her own way.”He nodded and sat next to me on the bed. “And I loved her.”“I know,” I. But then Iknew I was in big trouble. Louise came over to me. She had caught mestaring that often, she would clearly put me on the spot for being sucha jerk and maybe for sexual harassment. With reddening face I stuffedmy notebook in my bag and tried to run, when I heard: "Mike, do youhave another minute? I would like to clarify some things with you!"Oh, oh, there it was! Some others were already looking expectantly.Like a schoolboy called to the principal's office I trotted over toher, head slightly hanging. I was playing defenses over and over in mymind but nothing worked out right. Those occupied I almost missed hersaying: "I would like to discuss some adaptions with you. Emergencyunits are always a bit different from the rest of the business. So somesmall modifications could make a big difference for me. But since thisis not of interest for the other departments, I thought we could solvethis bilateral... How about dinner?... I know a nice restaurant not tofar away where we could.
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