She said I should think about those things. They didn’t sound like what a man would do if he wanted to shut me away. Then I said I didn’t think Mark would want me back since I’d been such a vulgar hussy and so mean to him and Alyssa. She snorted this time. I told her that was very impressive and we laughed about that. I think the world of Doctor Jamison. She’s so cool and calm and everything all the time. She told me that Mark was a lot less concerned about the sex than he was about the deception and betrayal of our wedding vows. His pain was more about me abandoning the marriage than it was anything physical. I hadn’t meant to do any of it. I knew that in my heart. If I’d been in control of myself, I wouldn’t have done any of the things I did. It makes my skin crawl when I think of the cheap hotels we went to, the dives where we drank and danced until all hours of the night…and the sex. The sex bothers me a lot. Except for that six months or so, I’ve never allowed any man but Mark. It was hard to reconcile the attack of the wolves and the time we’d spent tanning their hides and even eating their meat with the one night of sleep we’d struggled through as we were separated in our rooms. We were used to our other selves aging faster than we were but it was beginning to worry us. We wondered if in before-time we’d be old people by the time we were sixteen in now-time.It wasn’t until our hands touched at the breakfast table that we snapped into this reality again. Or both realities. I’ve seen Mom Mar walk around the house cleaning and cooking while the whole time she was reading some paperback book. I think we were a little like that. Only our book was a whole other life. That was why it was so hard for us to read books in school. It was like trying to keep track of a third reality at the same time as we were living two others.We might even have gotten crazier after that incident. We concocted schemes in before-time and executed them in now-time. Even when teachers.
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