Sure Peter had driven the situation but I was a willing partner.I started to talk and told her that I loved her and that I didn't mean to do anything to hurt her. I just wanted her so bad and Peter had given me the opportunity.Mom interrupted me, "So what's this deal you have going with Peter, have you done some sort of trade with me?", she said."No, no", I said, "I wouldn't trade you like some $10 crack whore. It's just Peter saw an opportunity to make it happen"."What opportunity?", she asked, "Why and how the hell is Peter involved in this?"I knew that I had no choice but to come clean about Peter and me. I told my Mom that Peter had caught me in his room going through his stuff and had kinda blackmailed me into subsequent events.Mom said,"If all that happened was Peter catching you going through is bag then why didn't you tell me, sure it's a bad thing to do to a guest, to go through their personal belongings, but I wouldn't have been too mad. I have to admit that on occasion I. Not judging her. A powerful, lovely, kind, understanding, wise black woman was not judging her for admitting that being raped by a black man (his big lips those long fingers that scratchy, woolly hair that HUGE THICK IT HURT ME HURT ME DEEP GET OFF ME YOU FUCKING HORRIBLE DIRTY NIG—)—made it all much, much worse.It’s not you, Georgetta had said. It’s not your fault those thoughts, those feelings, are inside of you. You’ve been given those messages since you were born. Those messages were placed in you, installed in you, without your consent. It’s a script, a script of modern America. A script of programming, of automatic thoughts, of thoughts that think us instead of us thinking them. It’s not your fault, those thoughts.Laurie had said, They’re not? But I’m thinking them—Georgetta: They’re thinking you. Those thoughts happen to you, not by you.Laurie so wanted to believe it was not her fault to think such awful, hateful things. (Don’t you touch me you FUCKING NI–)I can help you, said.
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