She looked small and lost next to my father’s casket. He had managed to look strong and imposing, and impossibly stern even in death. I hadn’t stayed for long. Later, leaving the viewing, I had decided to accept her breakfast invitation. Back in my hotel room, I had taken a faded family picture from my suitcase. It was the last real family picture. Looking at it, I was amazed that I had been able to leave only months after the sixteenth birthday party where it was taken. I looked so young, and small and weak like my mother. The sweater I wore in the picture had been a favorite, I remembered wearing it to hide the bruises, it’s high neck the perfect cover. I had grown tired years before of wondering why my father was so angry, why my mother stayed, why nobody did anything when it seemed like everyone knew. It was all that either of them knew, I think. To him, it was love. I still don’t know what it was to my mother. I wanted to forgive myself for leaving them to each other, but I knew. Oh, there were a few spankings for Cindy and heryounger brother, Eddie, along the way, but they wereusually on-the-spot whacks to the seat of their pantsthat did more to injure their pride than theirbacksides. Only once, about three years ago, did Cindyincur Mom’s wrath enough to incur a serious spanking,and that was for lying about who broke the cookie jar.In that instance, she blamed Eddie, but Mom knew thelittle boy could not possibly have reached it. That experience was enough for Cynthia, and she neverlied (on purpose) again, remembering very clearly howhorrible it was to have Mom pull her jeans down andsmack her panties hard for about 5 whole minutes, andright in front of Aunt Edna, too!**Sunday evening, Dad decided to take the family out fordinner at a nice restaurant on the edge of town. ButCynthia threw a tantrum, refusing to go because she sobadly wanted to watch the Simpsons instead. At first,she requested to be excused, then demanded that shenot have to go, then.
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