" Oh," he said, "I should also mention, with the way you dress, notexactly macho, she might have some doubts about where your head is,sexuality wise." What?" You know. Like if maybe you swing both ways." But I'm not..." Well, I know that. But people can wonder. Even back in school, some ofthat shit you wore had folks talking."With the shock of all those revelations, I began to sniffle. And thenwas seized by spasms of sobbing. I'd never suspected how I'd failed her.Dwayne cautioned me to get a hold of myself, because the men at the bar,along with some couples at other tables, were beginning to notice mybreakdown. I glanced around and saw a couple that was a delectable whitewoman and a tall athletic Black man. A knot formed in my stomach. But Iwas able to stop those wracking sobs. I sat there hugging myself. Mybuddy nodded toward the half filled glass and I drained it, followed by along drink of beer.My words were slightly slurred as I begged him, "Just, please, don't letthat. The first time I saw her, I knew my wife would be beautiful for years to come. Judy had given birth to Sarah at a young age (17), and consequently was only 38 the first time I met her. Man! The way that dress fit her. I know a man is supposed to be taken with his bride on their wedding day, but Judy was all I could think about during and after the wedding. That night as I fucked Sarah for the first time as her husband....I was imagining Judy. We moved a year later to an area in Southern California that was, by coincidence, close to Judy and Bill. I saw Judy at least twice a week after that for one reason or another. She became an obsession. I would find myself savoring her perfume as she passed close by, trying to catch glimpses of as much of her as I could any time I could. I would often go into the bathroom adjoining her bedroom and take her bra or panties out of the hamper and spend the next half hour or so masturbating while dreaming of her. This went on for 4 years. It was.
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