Now she cooks great. We both are different people today. Our old selves would never have found our personal savior. Both mom and I know that.You don't think I am mature enough to love anyone yet. But that is not my problem. That is yours. You don't know how to love. You can't see that someone outside of your own head can be that important to you. Jake calls that the Western Civilized Mind disease. I know how to love. I know how to give myself completely. I have learned that in doing that with the right person I can and do grow wings to fly over things I never could have before. I also know that those wings do not belong to me. They are for me, but they only exist because I love unconditionally. I know the love must be real, not fake, or someday I will fall out of the sky. God can take away everything he gives and I have no control over that. All I can do is be faithful in my love and pray that God sees that.I know that I love Howard. I don't love the 'idea of Howard', I love the real. They seemed to be on a highway now, the car no longer stopping and starting at lights or signs. It seemed like hours, the passage of time no longer relevant, the pain of the rope and the fear that they would return and cut off her air again keeping her on the edge of reality. She felt a rough, calloused hand run up and down her leg every once in a while, but the ear plugs had effectively cut off all sounds and voices. She could not even hear the car, the vibrations her only indication that they were still traveling.It must have been at least an hour or two, the sense of time without hearing or sight being difficult. The vibration of the car seemed different now, and they seemed to be going slower now or the surface of the road was different. She felt the vibrations of the tires, they seemed to be going over a rough surface, not the smooth pavement of the highway. It began to get cooler in the back seat, her fears worsening. They could be in the mountains by now. Her rescue now.
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