Six months of bland hotel rooms and HBO brought one particular part of life to the forefront. One cold night in Chicago, I left the hotel for a walk and came back with a trashy-looking tabloid. I flipped through the back pages until I found the heading "Health Services". There, along with a few legitimately therapeutic massage studios, was a column and a half of women who would be glad to "pamper" and "relax" me for a fee. What the hell -- it was forty-two degrees outside, I was four hundred miles from home, and I'd been both widowed and celibate for almost a year.I made several calls, just to find out what the going rate and sales pitch were, and eventually settled on "Marla" who described herself as green-eyed, 5'8", brunette and "proportional". I gave her my hotel address and arranged to meet her in the coffee shop that evening. After hanging up, I thought about some possibilities and eventually bundled up some things to go into the hotel safe. I set eight twenties into an. But I know it’s not really that. God, I can’t even ask a guy a question without blushing. Even if other girls haven’t got it right, they seem to be getting on in life and aren’t suffering some kind of handicap because of the way they see things. Then again, I feel like I ‘have it right’, and yet I’m the one who is socially inept. I feel awkward around men. Inexperienced. Maybe even a bit naïve.” Elaine took a breath. “I’m blabbering aren’t I?” “You are fascinating.” “Why?” Elaine was glad she could slip in a question and take the spotlight off herself. “I think because you are bursting with potential.” He sent a smile. “But like you said, you’ve constrained yourself. Are you afraid of being hurt?” “Emotionally?” “Yes.” She took another deep breath. “I’m afraid of being rejected.” “You are beautiful, Elaine. Anyone who rejected you would have rocks in their head.” “It’s only skin deep.” “I wasn’t referring to your good looks. You are intelligent,.
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