My first major career move launched me from the mailroom to the number three exec in Digital Filing. Then, over the years, after a couple of people left and another one retired, I rose to Assistant Customer Relations Executive on the esteemed Gibraltar Soup account.(Chivalry precludes me from mentioning my following in the footsteps of certain family elders. Re: my perhaps inclusion in the Advertising Industry’s Whose Who. It could happen someday, I will go so far as to say that.)Now, it’s not all glamour and three martini lunches. In fact, no martinis; the Gibraltars are devouted Mormons. So ... tact, delicacy, discretion, that’s my middle name. Or, names, for you technocrats.The account manager herself, Louise Lane, is what you might call old school. In fact, I do. She told me, for some reason gritting her teeth, “Birdie, I’ll let you meet the Gibraltars when Hell ... when you’ve studied the account. Understand the campaign. Can recite the goals, strategies, tactics — in other. ’ I whispered menacingly into her face and then I spat in her face as she cowered in fear and pain because I now had my fingers pressed tightly into her face and she was moaning as I stared her down to let her know that this was a promise I would keep. During all this time the fags whom she had abandoned to run to me from were yelling at her too hurry up and get her ass over there before their dicks got cold. Maybe they figured I was a wimp or something or that I was too civilised to fuck them up but tonight would be one night they would never forget. I pushed her away from me and turned to them and said softly ‘Come and get it assholes.’ I would not feel right unless I beat the shit of somebody and they were my chosen targets. When my whispered comment finally registered with them they made a crucial mistake and dived over the couch to get to me. Now any sane man knows that you never get into a fight naked because it leaves you open to a world of hurt. The first guy to reach me.
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