To me, the pain involved seems much toohigh of a price to pay." Well, I'm not laughing. You might as well know. I said what I saidafter the run-in that I had with the construction workers, because ofhow I feel about being forced to service other men. I still havenightmares over what they had forced me to do, and in some of thosenightmares, I want them to abuse me, as if I deserve to be abused,because I'm a pervert like my girlfriend's dad accused me of being.There, I said it. I have to be honest with you Don. At times, whatthose construction workers did with me somehow makes me feel like Imust be inherently gay because, damn it, I liked being forced to doit." I told you it wouldn't bother me if you are gay. I don't impose mysexual preferences on anyone, Mel. After what's been done to you, I canunderstand how you must feel. It's not your fault you can't function asa man any more, but I can't imagine what it must be like to not want tohave carnal sex with a woman. I'd rather be dead.. It felt a bit brazen to her and she mentally flushed, but then she admonished herself that she just wanted to keep him talking.He continued, "It started happening about a week ago. Every time I'd get... uh, aroused. Um, not when I saw a pretty girl, but when I thought about it, um, you know."Katherine decided to interrupt him. He seemed to be settled down enough, and she thought he'd be better able to talk one on one. "Bill, Sam, I think Mr. Louis is alright now, and I can handle things from here, if you'd like to get back to your duties. I'll call you if I need anything."The two orderlies, irritated enough for one day by the actions of this patient, nodded and departed gratefully.Katherine shifted to rest her chin on her hand to watch James. She realized was still a little bit on display for him, but it felt good to her, and she wanted to encourage him to continue. Any concern for her own behavior was lost to a new feeling. She began to feel comfortable with her own attractiveness.
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