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What’s the difference between a hormone and an enzyme?You can’t hear an enzyme.How do you make a hormone?Put sand in the Vaseline.What’s a cunt that talks back?An answering cervix.What do you give an eighty-year-old woman for her birthday?Mikey ... He’ll eat anything.What do you call a woman who uses too much contraceptive cream?A spermicidal maniac.Why do women have legs?So they don’t leave snail tracks on linoleum floors.What do you call a hooker with no legs?A nightcrawler.What do you call a girl who’s just been run over by a car?Patty.Why do female parachutists always wear pantyhose?So they won’t whistle.How do you tell when a woman is wearing pantyhose?If she farts, her ankles will swell.How do you tell if a woman is wearing underwear?Look for the dandruff on her shoes.Why do women have 2 holes so close together?In case you miss.Why do women have 2 holes so close together?So you can carry them home like a six-pack.What do you call a female clone?A clunt.Why did the guy trade in. I ached to hold her, to talk to her, and I went to bed every night frustrated beyond imagining.Toward the end of the week I started getting letters from my mom. They were typical Mom Advice letters, admonishing me to make sure I did my laundry every week, eat right, don't stay out too late, study hard, and wash my hands after going to the bathroom. God forbid I should get hit by a truck and not be wearing clean underwear when they got me to the hospital!I got a bit of a surprise when I opened my mailbox one day and found a long letter from Stephen and Tara, along with a new picture of Kyle. Every other paragraph was in Stephen's primitive handwriting, alternating with a paragraph in Tara's only slightly more feminine cursive. It was so juvenile and cutesy it was hard to believe they were the parents of a baby boy. Well, I had to remind myself, Tara was a parent. Stephen, even though he was trying to act like a dad to baby Kyle, was probably not the real father. They were enjoying.
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