I sobbed into thetissue, as this sense of freedom washed over me in great waves. Ishuddered, as for the first time in my life, I let myself cry like asissy girl. I was nothing but a weak little sissy girl now.I could not even draw of the false strength of the false boypersonality that I had built. I knew only too well that thatpersonality was completely false now. I remembered how often I hadlooked at boys, and remarked to myself that I had to act that way, orto move my hands in that fashion, because that was how boys acted. Myentire boyhood had been a big play act.I was a sissy. How on earth was I ever going to learn how to live withthat truth, unless... Unless I could somehow not live like a sissy,but hide it by living like a girl? Is that what my uncle was doing tome? Was he really going to give me this second chance? At least, Irealised, if I lived like a girl, wearing pretty things, acting like alittle miss prissy young lady, that I would be acting a lot more likethe real me. Sammy and Henry’s words came back to me. Go find me another fish in the sea? Maybe, I guess I had to try. Living like I was twern’t no good, no good for anything or anybody. Yeah, I guess I had to make the effort. Who knows maybe down the line I’d have me a daughter or son of my own; wouldn’t that be the cat’s meow! I wonder what the two of them would think of that. I snickered, even though nobody was around to see me snicker, probably look down on me and mine; that was the probable answer to that question.I’d just gotten done delivering a load to Franklin’s Super Store, a grocery outlet with sixteen locations throughout the state; it was actually near my apartment at the Randall, maybe half a mile away.I was sitting down at Mary’s Diner across the street from the drop when he pulled up a chair across from me. I hadn’t even gotten my corned beef, and the sonovabitch was sitting across from me staring; well, I thought he was staring.“And just what the fuck does my worst enemy in the.
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