Tilly sent Geoff a Whatsapp; she was going to phone them, but at the last minute we thought messaging might be better, because it gives people time to think.Great time, the message said. Do it again this Saturday?They responded quickly. Same room this time?Exactly what we were thinking, we replied.Cool, came the reply. Our place again, okay?Sure, fine, we said. It was Tilly's account to Geoff's, although on this occasion I was co-writing and I felt Arlene was probably in charge at their end, because she was the more communicative of the two.There was an unspoken agreement that we would keep it couple-to-couple, which made sense in terms of avoiding the complications of one swapped pair getting too involved. But I did feel something for Arlene in a strange way that contained protectiveness because she was so innocent in some ways, so unworldly, and so was he. But there was also something comforting about her; in her own way she had confidence and she thought I was this intellectual. ’ ‘As I said, you have always become wet for me, and I believed that was very natural,’ he added. ‘And then, I figured that after menopause, you would have less interest in sex due to the changes in your body. So, why would I give you this information about squirting?’ Todd’s explanation made sense. But now I had to wonder how much there was to Todd that I did not know. After more than forty years of marriage, I am suddenly discovering that he not only reads erotica and but watches videos of women squirting cum all over her partner’s balls. ‘He always seemed to act like such a pure and gallant boy scout,’ I thought silently. And suddenly I began to realize something. Had I always responded to him sexually as if he were a pure and gallant boy scout? If such a thing were possible, could that mean that I responded to him all these years as if I were a pure girl scout? Is it possible that we each played some role of ‘proper sexual partners’ (whatever that means), while desiring to.
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