The cane placed on my hand. I waited for the familiar swish and then delayed pain to register, burning. “This is too easy for you isn’t it boy?” I looked at her. “Miss?” I said.“Its too easy, too familiar, its not helping you or us to simply hit you on the hand. There’s something else troubling you and I intend to find it”. I almost laughed out loud, I had heard this so many times. Troubled boy, teenage problems. Peer pressure. What could she possibly find in me, many others had given up trying to look for.“Bend over that table”. “Wh…. What Miss?” “You heard Taylor, now get over the table”.This was unusual, I only ever got my backside whacked by the games teachers and their slippers or trainers, and they were male.My heart sank and pounded, was she serious? She tapped the cane on her hand pointing it at the table. I nervously leaned over the table, absolute terror now inside me, my face was cold and sweating at the same time, my heart in my mouth. This one was clever, very clever.. My Colonoscopy: by Hardrive After several weeks of complaining about stomach discomfort and constipation, my wife Rita got tired of my belly aching and called her fudge-packing brother for advice. That made a lot of sense. After all, who better to ask about asshole problems than your queer brother? Woops, did I say queer? I meant to say Homo-American. Anyway, Rita said her brother recommended I go see a gastroenterologist for a full evaluation. What? I asked, An ass-hole-enter what? That doesnt even sound like a real doctor. Its probably some kind of voodoo fag doctor. No, you homophobic ignore-anus came Ritas cynical reply. A gas-tro-enter-ologist, is a doctor that specializes in disorders of the digestive system. My brother is a well regarded general practitioner and if he says you should have a full evaluation of your intestinal track, thats exactly what youre going to do. Its high time someone looks up your stupid ass to see what kind of problems youve got brewing up there. .
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