A paddle?! I realized that Daddy was taking this to a whole new level. I looked, and there was one item left in the bottom of the box almost hidden by all the tissue paper. I put my hand down in the box and felt around for it, and I about wet myself when I realized what I was about to pick up was a collar. I had never dreamed Daddy ever had this kind of attitude in him, but I went with the flow and just pulled it out of the box. The collar was not like the ones designed for dogs. This collar was glistening brown leather with a pointed clasp yet with rounded edges so it doesn’t cut. It was slender and smooth and almost glowed in the light of the lamp that was on. I turned it over in my hands and saw something shine in the light for a split second, and as I looked closer, I realized there was a small diamond embedded in the leather. I was speechless and just sat there holding the collar with an open mouth and looking at Daddy wondering what the hell was he doing? “Baby doll, you. Engaged, he assumed control, ensured my virginity on the altar. A year later, we married, I just turned eighteen, he twenty-three. I’ve never known another man. Now twenty-five, I’m meeting my first real date. I’m being me, at last. Conversing with myself between stoplights, I rewrote my personal history to justify meeting a man, not my husband.Approaching Michael’s restaurant in Sunnyvale, our meeting place, however, my rationalized confidence dissipated, replaced with timid reality.I’m risking my marriage, family, my world. I should go home. I knew I wouldn't. I was adrift, on remote, led by a yearning set loose, something long-repressed, now free. I didn't know where or how it would end. What was I thinking? I wasn’t. I just went heart forward.Familiar with the restaurant from driving past, I’d never eaten there. Its outside decor proclaimed it too upscale for our family budget. Going in was entering unfamiliar terrain, economic, social and moral.I was scared but fear was part of.
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