” Not even a smile? Not even a lecherous leer? “I thought you’d get your kicks out of this,” I said. “I did. Immensely,” he said, giving me an affectionate peck on my cheek. The flea market was an unusual spot. It wasn’t junk, but rather a lot of high-end antiques and collectibles. He said he often came down just to people watch even if he had no intention to buy anything. I could see why. The people that wandered around the building, which was also the farmers market on Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, were a mixture of well-heeled suburban types mixed in with the younger hipsters and older more eccentric disheveled types. He stopped in his tracks when we passed a stall with vintage dresses. Most of them mod styles from the ’60′s. He was transfixed on one in particular. It was a sleeveless A-line mod mini dress with loud and colorful concentric dots on a black background that shimmered in metallic threads that wove through the fabric. “Here, try this on,” he said. I slipped behind. My agent and savior made a couple of long distance phone calls, withdrew a large sum of money from the corporation account, and took the next jet to Sacramento and, thirty minutes later, a private plane to Langousta. The genius got right to the root of the problem. There were only two copies of the certificate--I had the original in a safe deposit box--one was in Sacramento and the other was in the court house in Langousta. He bribed two very willing, very underpaid civil servants--one in each city--and with his own eyes saw the documents burn to ashes. To make absolutely sure, he visited the local paper and 'borrowed' the bound volume of back issues that contained the paper's only copy of the article they did on our wedding ceremony. After razor-blading out the entire 'Social Whirl' page, and burning it, he returned the book to the city editor, who in turn returned it to the dusty shelf.Ooh, Harold-baby, what you don't know!!! We were never married, Monster Man. You don't have to.
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