Main tution sham ko jata tha. Garmi ki wajah se wo ghar k bahar taaza hawa me walk ke liye usi time pe aaya karti.Ek din jab main waha se gujar raha tha to meri ek book gir gyi. Usne mujhe hello kar k pukara. Awaaz sun kar meri body me current ka jhatka laga. Maine dekha to wo meri tarak aa rhi thi. Yr uske boobs jumping kar rhe the aur uski kamar to left right left. Wo mere paas aayi. Book abhi neeche hi padi hui thi. Wo jab book uthane k liye jhuki to uske boobs saaf dikh rahe the. Man kar rha tha choos lu unko. Land bhi poora khada tha. Pent ka tent ban chuka tha. Usne jab book pakdai to main bas uska chehra aur uske lips dekh raha tha. Man hi man main use chod chuka tha but real life me ye action abhi baaki tha. Maine use thanks bola aur unhone welcome bola. Maine apna hath aage badhaya aur hand shake kiya. Maine unse naam poocha to wo smile karte hue boli pehle tum batao. Maine bola kyu nhi aur apna naam bataya. Ab jab unka naam poocha to wo boli ki unka naam simran h. To maine. I still want to hold your hand everywhere, at home, in public, during sex and while we sleep. I have so many questions that will have to remain unanswered. This loss, the slow grind of acceptance, is terrible. You fill my thoughts and my heart hurts. I wish for a different outcome. Crazy thoughts shoot through my head, bouncing off memories of you. What if I’d called sooner? I should have sent more little positive messages. I should have just asked permission to visit. If I had, you’d still be here, fighting. Then I wouldn’t have this huge ache inside. I recognize these thoughts as foolish, and I brush them aside. I focus on better, positive thoughts. On healthier imaginings. The other part of me is happy you no longer suffer. I couldn’t stand to hear you talk about the pain. It made me feel helpless, the simple words I had to offer seeming insignificant and paltry. The ache is eased simply knowing your pain is forever gone. I smile thinking of you reunited with your daughter..
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