"Maria needed more help in the kitchen." He wasn't going to come at all," Maria said. "He didn't know anyone to invite." C'mon, Alex!" Orlie said, "You're not all that new in town." I've gotten a slow start, socially," I confessed. "I've been too preoccupied with making certain I was going to be a permanent resident of Baltimore, before putting down roots." So I've got him all to myself!" Maria said.She was making me blush like a teenager."You could do a lot worse," Orlie said to her daughter. "In fact, you have -- several times!" Mama!" Maria said. Now it was Maria's turn to blush."OK, let's go to work," Orlie said. "Alex, would you carry out all these covered dishes and put them -- right out there -- on that big table?"It soon was obvious to me that Maria's earlier assurances that Paul would never even notice me at the picnic were pure invention on her part. If Paul hadn't seen us when we arrived, he certainly couldn't miss my presence as I made repeated trips out into the yard,. "Oh ... pretty fucked up. And ... at the moment, I was drunk ... and high. All of a suddenly, I decided that I didn't want to die a virgin. I had just swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills, you see ... one of the same kinds of pills you have upstairs next to your bed. I woke up the next day in a pool of my own vomit. How pathetic is THAT!?" Why did you do that? Why did you try to kill yourself?"She sighed heavily and continued to speak to the hands. "I read a dozen books on psychology at the library after I tried it. I'd never really been interested in psychology. If you believe all that stuff, I imagine you'd tell me that I was depressed because it was the first time in my life that I was without any kind of structure ... I had no one to give me directions." You didn't have a Sir." I didn't have a Sir," she repeated quietly. She suddenly seemed to realize something and looked up at me sharply. "But you mustn't think that I would do something like that now. When YOU send me.
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