I have recognized that while I am willing to be kind to the children of others I am not willing to make the great sacrifices that I would be willing to make for my own children. There is bound to be someone who will get angry at my attitude about this and believe that I do not deserve to have a child if this is how I really regard them, my former Dom told me as much. I have seen my friends become livid at me, but the truth is that I do not believe that feeling this way and not talking about it helps anyone, because if I do that then the people around me will never understand why it is that I just haven’t taken their advice, if I don’t pay them the courtesy of telling them how I feel… in any event, I suppose I thought that that was what one did with one’s friends and relatives. This piece has been hard for me to write for many reasons. I know that it is a ‘journal’ of my thoughts about my IVF. When I mentioned my upcoming IVF last year to some of my friends in The Playground one of. Raiza: I don’t know, Dax. Will I get into trouble considering it is haram for me?Dax: Well, having sex with a stranger is also haram. (I winked at her, saying this jokingly.)Raiza: Shut up, this is different. But, then again, it’s true and I want to try that.I noticed the hostess coming to ask us what we wanted for snacks as she had pretzels, different kinds of nuts, dates, and other light snacks.Raiza: I’ll take some pretzels and a bag of dates,Dax: I’ll have some roasted peanuts, and I’d love a gin and tonic to drink.Hearing this, Raiza looked at me and signaled that I get her a drink too.Dax: She wants a Vodka orange juice, please.Raiza smiled at me and the hostess went and brought everything that we ordered. Now that we were having our snacks, we had our drinks in front of us. Raiza smelled the drink and was about to sip it when I told her to stop.Dax: Wait, stop. We are supposed to clank our glasses as a cheer to your first drink. (I raised my glass and touched hers).Raiza: Oohh.
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