But every time he doesnt, I feel a little bit less like its what I deserve. Like by his actions, hes confirming that what I ACTUALLY deserve is whatever the FUCK I command him to do. Its a pretty great feeling. I think when Im done with stupidname, Ill probably level up. Try to do this to someone who isnt 19 and sexually repressed to the point of being broken by his midwestern conservative-christian upbringing (just a guess). But I digress… Anyway, I follow him in there, and this time I make him close the door. close the door bitch I told him, and he did (HE DID! lol). He didnt say shit, he just pushed it shut like a good pet, letting it click like it had yesterday, flinching a little bit at the sound of it. Then he starts trying to negotiate with me again. Listen Rebecca.. All trying to sound reasonable but just coming off like he was completely shitting his pants. Really kid? This again? I was beginning to think the little shit was actually stalling for time, and I wasnt having any. "NO! I'm sure, I said I'm sure. Please, I don't want any of this." Sheseemed offended and curtly said, "Right, you've made yourself clear.Thank you for your help, Robert." I really hoped my contact with AnnLee would end there, but I was as weak then as I am now. I hadn't achance.The following weekend my mother and sister went on a two week holidayto France. They left on Saturday morning. It took me until Saturdayafternoon to crack. By 2p.m. I sat in the kitchen enjoying a leisurelylunch, dressed in a crisp white blouse and a short black pencil skirtof my sister's. I froze as I heard some one wrestling with the letterbox, followed by a soft thud on the hall floor and the sound of thedoor bell ringing. I waited a bit and then opened the kitchen door acrack. I could see clearly that no one was at the door and that therewas a brown paper package on the floor. I crept out and claimed it. Itwas unmarked and fairly battered from the letter box, a small tear inthe wrapping revealed black.
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