Maybe I've been selfish.I could hear the doubt in Jackie's words, and though I wanted to release her from that doubt, the truth was she had been the one to tempt me, to lead me to the places she hoped we'd go. I don't mean to blame her, not really, but the more I realized what she'd said and showed me when I was fourteen, and how she had come to me more recently, encouraging me to know my children in intimate ways, I felt, in some ways, like Jackie's hand, and her desires, had guided me into incest each time.I see it so clearly now, like that time a couple of weeks after the lake, the first time I suggested we be together again."I don't know, Jackie," I said, my feet pulled up to my butt as I sat on my bed against the headboard, keeping my nightshirt low over my ankles, "it's just ... weird, you know?"My sister gave me a warm smile and rested her hand just inches from my exposed toes. "I know ... but you liked it, right?" Yeah..." I replied quietly in an even tone. "But ... we're. I was giggling and jokingalong with them as if nothing were wrong. Then the conversation turned toboys. One of the girls asked me if I had a boyfriend and to my surprise Isaid no but I'd really like to. I started to tell myself in my head that itwasn't true. I didn't like boys! I was a boy and I liked girls! It didn'tmatter though. We kept talking about it. Then I was asked about what sizecock I like best. This time I noticed it was Mindy that was asking me. Itried to respond to her and say I don't like cocks at all but all that cameout was I love big cocks! All the girls giggled and I heard one of them saydon't we all. Then Mindy looked at me and said she was glad to hear thatbecause she had a surprise for me. All of the girls got really quiet andwaited. She continued. I hired a special someone to come over tonight inyour honor. I hear he has a really big one! I heard myself say to myhorror, that I couldn't wait. I've wanted a real man for a while now. Thenas if on cue, we heard a.
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