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”She got up and we washed each other again then got out and grabbed the soft robes that were hanging in the bathroom before heading out to the deck.She said, “Just let me grab a sleeping bag so we stay nice and toasty warm.” She went to the back of the house and returned with two sleeping bags. When we were back on the deck she said, “Zip these together while I fire up the heaters.” They had several of those large outdoor heaters in the pool area that she moved around the sofa and turned on. The temperature had dipped to the low 70s but the heaters made it very comfortable. After, she snuggled into the sleeping bag with me.I said, “I should really be tired after what we did today but I feel like I’m wide awake.”“I have just the thing for that,” she said and walked over to another cabinet then returned with a joint and a bottle of Fireball. We also had another pitcher of vodka drinks so she got in the sleeping bag, fired up the joint and handed it to me while she poured us each a. The hell with this. I am still the same person. Or not that different anyway. Yet. Ruth is married to John now. I still don't know him well. I don't think I want to. I have gotten over wanting Ruth. I think. Down inside myself it's probably still hiding there. I need to be a woman all the way. I call my old apartment. The machine answers. I tape a message for Lucina. I tell her I can't see her any more. Not for a long time at least. Maybe we can be friends later. It's a lot like the message Ruth left for me. Lucina knew I might go at any time. For any reason. All spacers are alike in that way. I would like to say goodbye to Anne but don't know how to reach her. I'm afraid to return to my old life even briefly. I need to explore the straight singles scene by myself. Ruth can't help. It seems far more predatory. Men are hunters by nature. You aren't given a chance to get to know people. When men talk to me I still freeze up. I still see a competitor. Somebody who's trying to dominate.
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