It’s going to be a long week without you here.”“You’ll have fun,” Phil assured her.“Maybe,” Hailey answered. “Uh, thanks for leaving your car. You didn’t have to.”“I didn’t mind,” Phil replied with a smile. “Your friends from high school got used to seeing you in that car and I know you secretly enjoy driving it.”“You don’t have to worry about me tomorrow night,” Hailey said in a small voice.“I’m not worried at all,” Phil told her. “You haven’t seen them all summer and I’m sure you’ve missed them. You’ll have a good time. I only wish I could have stayed to meet them, too. Uh, you don’t have to worry about me either.”“Why would I worry about you?” Hailey wondered.“Well, I mean, with Molly, Tiffany or Katelyn,” Phil answered.“Please,” Hailey replied dismissively. “If you decide you guys want to fool around, I’m really OK with it.”“We’ll talk about it when you’re here,” Phil said. “I just didn’t want you to think the reason I asked them to come down this week was so I could have some. My new look was national news that evening, with telephoto lens shots of Marilyn, Stormy, and me climbing down from Marine One. The regular networks just did a quick thirty second piece on it, comparing me to other presidents with beards or mustaches, almost all of whom, it turned out, were Republican. (Except for Grover Cleveland, a Democrat; not sure what the significance of any of this really was.) The news networks, on the other hand, spent massive time and money on this, bringing in various experts to consider the significance of my facial hair, and whether I could have been elected with a beard or mustache, and commenting copiously on Thomas Dewey, the last major candidate with a mustache, who had lost to Truman in 1948. Did the mustache cause Dewey to lose? Fox News did a half hour special on this.Will, who was waging a losing battle against male pattern baldness himself, was at a loss to explain this silliness to anybody. He did point out that if any of the reporters bothered.
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