I live for this. The intensity of what is going to happen far outweighs the roughest of sex. I can't even really say it to myself – "she wants to be beaten".I slapped her again, harder still, and her face changed ... Her eyes, there is nothing to describe them. Excitement, a reflection of my need, the sadness fading. I pulled her very softly towards me, and kissed her lightly. Again she didn't really respond. So I pulled her harder into me, One hand behind her shoulder blades, cradling her into my arm, and my other hand landed hard on her bottom, through the summer dress. Her breath let out in a rush, and she shivered again. I pushed her back gently, and nodded at her. She nodded back, very shyly, but affirmatively. This is the contract between us, with no words, but infinite meaning. I find it very easy to care deeply about anyone who commits themselves to me, even for a moment, and she was no exception. I cared for her deeply then, I suppose I still do, as the memories and images. That was until I went to see Uncle Bill at work. He had a photographic shop in Blackburn, and sold cameras and stuff like that. He also did wedding photography, school photos and what he used to call ‘glamour’. The studio was at the back of the shop, and he had loads of complicated machines and stuff in there as well to turn the film into photos for wedding albums and things. He was going to take me out for the day to the zoo, and because he had to go into his shop first to finish off some urgent photos I met him there on a Sunday morning. My Dad dropped me off in the car about eight, and Uncle Bill let me in round the back of the shop. There was the usual overpowering smell of chemicals which seemed to permeate even his clothes. There were photos all over the workbench, and I noticed Uncle Bill shuffling some underneath a folder as if he didn’t want me to see them. From the quick glance I'd had they looked like the individual school photos we had done at our school – in fact.
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