”“Time will tell! Are you OK?”“I think so. It’s just the big changes.”It suddenly hit me that it wasn’t ME, it was Clarissa!“Moving in with Abby is bothering you, isn’t it?”“Yes,” she admitted quietly.“Because it feels like getting married?” I asked.“Yes,” she said, still very quiet.“Because it’s one thing to have a girlfriend, it’s another thing to actually live together. It’s a real commitment at that point. And that scares you.”“I just don’t see how you’re so calm and I feel so nervous!”“I like Abby, Lissa. She’s sweet and I believe she really loves you.”“I know! That’s what scares me! Haven’t you had second thoughts?”I shook my head, “No. Not once I made up my mind. It will hit me when I’m standing in the church on Sunday afternoon! That’s when I’ll freak out!”“No you won’t!”“Yes, I will. The gravity of what I’m doing will hit me and I’ll feel like bolting. That same thing will happen when I’m ordained a deacon. It’s normal to be nervous before a big event; I just don’t get. It was Nadia who had tutored her, instead of the other way around. Her mother learned as much from Nadia's homework in Russia as Nadia did. And they had spent hours and hours talking about life. But her mother had never grasped the concept of what education could do for a Russian. She didn't know any educated people, with the exception of the inspectors who came to town occasionally. No one liked them, or wanted them around. To Nadia's mother, the goal was to find a good man, have many strong babies, and live life well, and as long as you could.Basically, the pressure Nadia felt was only increased by her mother's recommendation to follow her heart, rather than her head.She lasted a whole month, sitting beside him at supper, talking with him softly as they did homework, or played a board game or worked on one of the dozens of puzzles they had. It had snowed deep, and everyone spent evenings inside now. He was the perfect gentleman, which was probably more devastating to her control.
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