And her step father and his son ... She really hated them. Even more, she didn't trust them. She dressed and altered her face in part to dissuade their horny gazes with black tattered clothing and a deathlike pale make-up featuring smudged eye shadow and blue, corpselike lipstick. Her nail polish changed from blood red to black depending on her emotion: fierce anger or morbid depression.Worse, she had to face a whole buttload of strangers for her junior year in high school. Her clique of misfits--friendships well entrenched from years of school together in Englewood, New Jersey--had been torn from her. She had no illusions that any of the local yokels in this nowhere town barely on the edge of civilization would welcome her as a friend. And she couldn't imagine opening her arms to any of them anyway.Too early in the morning for a smiling face, that's what watched her amble to the corner of the residential street to where the school bus would soon arrive."Hi Randy," said the smiling. I am trying to hold on to what little dignity i can, but there's really no point. i lose track of time a little, wondering if He has been able to see my thoughts play out on my face. His face doesn't reveal much at all. The agony that had been there earlier has faded a bit, but He doesn't look happy, either. If anything, He looks worn out, and i feel sorry for this. When i think of what i could be doing for Him right now, what i should be doing for him right now, if i hadn't been such an idiot, it just makes it worse. Finally he puts me out of my misery and asks why i have such self-doubt. i answer that i have not accepted myself. He asks why not, and i answer truthfully, "i don't know, Master." He nods as He did before. He says this discussion is not over, but we will continue it another time. The first punishment is over, and it is time for the second. "Yes, Master" i whisper. Part of me feels incredibly relieved - the past hour and a half has been absolutely horrible. But i know.
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